Saya Dun Wan Lern is a Form Three student who was bored to tears with school. "School's slowly killing me," she would lament to her parents who, in turn, would conveniently ignore her, since which student does not complain about school these days?
One day, the stars aligned in heaven, and Dun Wan Lern stumbled upon this absolutely crazy idea. "I will write these obnoxiously bad essays and hand them in to my English 'cher!" she thought to herself. Naturally, it was hell writing them since it's not easy writing in bad English when one's command of the language is impeccable. Nevertheless, it was a brilliant exercise in creative writing and she enjoyed writing every bit of it, down to the part where she wrote: "Later I wear people say I pretty." See, it was a report about a trip to the seaside, one of the many types of essays which are practically useless in the real world. After all, why and when would a student write a report about a trip to the seaside?
And so she handed it in, and 'cher promptly decorated the essay with deftly placed correction marks. You could see that 'cher was rather serious too. The irony was completely lost on the retrogressive 'cher. Here was this student with an almost perfect grasp of English who wrote an absolutely atrocious essay in Manglish peppered with Ah Beng inflections ("White and find sand, on top got beach chalet, say my teecher") and yet, 'cher took it to task to correct it as if Dun Wan Lern couldn't actually write!
Like the tagline for Tamin ("Cuba Sekali, Nak Lagi!"), Dun Wan Lern simply couldn't stop after that. Rejuvenated by the bright spark of mischief, she found herself looking forward to going to school again.
"'cher, please check my essay for me," Dun Wan Lern would meekly say, and then drop a pile of essays on the 'cher's table. "I am really want to improve," she would add with a sigh. Judging from the look in 'cher's eyes, Dun Wan Lern could tell that 'cher was reluctant, so she added yet again, "Pleeeese 'cher, my father are scold me every day. They are say I is lazy no good. I sad, so please help me 'cher."
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6 comments:
KOOL. I is Dun Wan Lern!! I is, I is. Sorry me no speaka good engaleesh. I is loving that blog a lotta. I is going print and I is going show mai frens i skool! You di ooman, AK!!
nay er main, you are just try to harder. and thank for spreaded the love! fine a feyw more laik you and we are can have start a rewolushyen!
i'm seriously printing it right now to bring to school.. all my friends already have photostated copies of my essay ;)
Lol good essay ther..XD haha!
Nice going. ROFL
I wonder if I'm gonna get screwed by you if I ever do that in English Writing class. I so wanted to do that on the assessment you gave us. Especially the speech writing part. :P
JL, well if your command of the language matches that of DWL, I will be most willing to entertain an exercise along those same, treacherous lines. after all, i is not shool teecher!
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