scopin' the joint

if you ask nicely, i might even consider telling you how i did this, if you didn't already know. :)

well i'm hot and you're not!

look at these glasses. they're not even real glasses and they cost RM3.90. recession's coming, so thank goodness for window shopping, mobile technology and a little bit of mischief. the goatee's real though, if you really want to know.

sometimes, i truly wish i could write like this

yet another instance of someone attempting to rewrite the english language. my favourite lines and phrases include:

1. "In the morning, are letter you said won a lot of pimples."

2. "Fistly, your don't pop your pimples. It is because the pimples is pop."

3. "Thirdly, your said won received a lof of pimples."

and the bestest line?

"Lastly, your pop the pimples is have a balance diet."

pure poetry. maybe in a few years this would be included in the literature component of spm. i mean, how many marks would you give if you were me?

herbal essences tvc

i've been looking forward to seeing this television commercial, and i finally got to see it last night. and it's crap!

a true example of bad acting

watch and learn!

a selection of six whiteboard doodles

1. this is how you pronounce "urinate":

2. fat boy with a stick wearing a tee shirt with a star

3. robinson cruyap:

4. his faithful slave, fradah:

5. a youthful-looking conan with smoldering blue eyes and er, mane of blue hair:

6. last but not least, CHICK PEAS:

an upsr composition, apparently

i think i'm in...lurve...(well, maybe not)

this is MAGIBON:



click here for more.

I'M BACK! (with the tale of a sexy pustule)

well, sorry for the longer than expected hiatus. to restart things with a pop (as opposed to a bang, since not that many people read this blog i'm almost sure), the wife and i were at jusco this afternoon, and we were paying for some stationery when i noticed that the cashier, who was male, had this super tantalising pimple on the edge of his right eyelid. and it was HUGE! what made it so irresistible was how utterly ripe-looking it was, with the pustule all white and oh-so-ready to be squeezed! it got me so worked up that i had to step away and let my wife complete the transaction. to be really honest, i actually thought of asking him if he'd let me squeeze the pus from his pimple for RM5.

LOTS OF POSTS coming soon, and this is not an empty promise, i reassure you!

2008 Toronto Explosions

This is real, kids. No SFX. Watch for the huge explosion at 1.50:



Read more about it here.

Evangelion: 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone

I watched this awesome flick over the weekend. Brought tears to my eyes (again) towards the end when our loser friend, shinji, pulled open the entry plug to find out if rei was okay. "nani ka tereno?" well, i terenoed too.

spot the cats

how many cats can you see?

pick your price, please

Found this gem of a typographical error in the menu at a café last week.

Encounters at the Mall

Well, most of you who read this blog are probably not old enough to be solicited by credit card pedlars who have become a common sight in shopping centres across the nation. this afternoon, when I was in the midst of rushing to a washroom, one of such pedlars launched the following line at me as I was slipping past him:

"Errr, mister, got using AmBank arh?"

It's pretty damned sad, really. I mean, if he had said "Got use AmBank arh?" instead, it wouldn't have been so bad, because then it's Manglish ma. But "got using" just got on my 3825in nerves! Speaking of 3825, I met the co-creator of this wonderfully-coded word at Star3825s, with two of her equally pale-skinned friends.

Anyway, that's all for this post. More coming soon, with hope. Stay safe and study hard kids, year-end ekjams are coming.

when i grow up, i want to modify my car like this

add a fluorescent tube and a black, "just-been-run over" racing stripe:

change to not only bigger, but "taller" tyres:


come to think of it, it's really quite amazing what some people would spend their money on.

HEY MONGET!!!

The Man Who Was Lying By The Roadside

When I was on my way home from work this afternoon, I saw a man lying by the roadside. Curiosity got the better of me so I pulled over, stopped the engine and stepped out of the car. As I walked towards the man, he was still lying.

"THE SKY IS GREEN!"

It was absolutely mind-goggling.

"THE EARTH IS TRIANGULAR!"

Ever since the day I began my career as a tutor, I have come across this enigmatic character countless times.

The man who was lying by the roadside.

Sometimes he appears in a student's essay, but more often, he appears in reference books. Hence I have spent many sleepless nights wondering what it would be like to meet this "man who was lying by the roadside" face-to-face. And so this afternoon, there I was, with the man who was lying beside the roadside standing right in front of me. He was ranting on and on.

"MALES GIVE BIRTH TO BABIES!"

I wanted to get a word in, so I shouted at him.

"Hey, what's up with you man?"

Instead of dignifying my question, he continued lying.

"THE MALAYSIAN EDUCATION SYSTEM ROCKS!"

"MALAYSIA HAS THE CHEAPEST PRICES FOR IMPORTED CARS!"

"THE ROADS ON MALAYSIAN ROADS ARE THE BEST IN THE WORLD!"

I tried my best to maintain my composure, but I couldn't. As I pushed the key into the ignition, I burst into tears and sped away, leaving the man who was lying by the roadside in a cloud of dust. I mean, how could he be such a bloody liar?

rubberman at the hot pot place

do you think i'm sexy?

ANNOUNCEMENT

no, don't worry. this blog is not about to close down any time soon. just want you children to know that lots of new faecal matter is coming up, so watch this space!

Disco Bear

i'm too lazy to write, so here's another video for your entertainment:

Nestle Drumstick Gold

dogs with less than four legs

kid with the world map in her head

need i say more?

"John and the Unfortunate Incident with the Iron Rod"

EDIT: people, the poor guy in the above drawing is NOT mr yap! it's supposed to be a student named john, hence the title of this post.

i em till tick

teet tpetial poth. i try tpeak vietnameet hier. can you try get the meening op the tie-tel? it meen "I EM TILL TICK." tit bee-cot i thaw dokter that dei, he gip me throng med-sehn, TOO THRONG!!! i feel toopeed apter i teik med-sehn! rite in vietnameet it dippikelt...tho i thop hier...hep a good wee-can...

Dynamo Neng! (Dynamo Can!)

As requested, here's the infamous television commercial:

Vomiting Electricity

This is what happens when you give your tutor a hard time during class.

Scutigera Coleoptrata, King of Creepy Crawlies

So, you think you're afraid of cockroaches? Or house lizards? Rats? Well, if you do, then you haven't met the house centipede yet, dear readers.


More visual fun and information can be found here and here.

Slapping Cat and Food-Stealing Dog

I've got the flu, and I'm sick as a dog, but the dog in this video is anything but sick.

Sneezing Panda + Remix ((( TURN UP THE VOLUME!!! )))

Here's the original:



and here's the remix:

Waaaaaaaaaaaasuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!!

This is the original television commercial that popularised the famous expression. More information can be found here.



Oh, just a note on viewer discretion. By putting this video up, it doesn't mean that the author of this blog condones the drinking of alcohol.

Grinning Cat on a Magic Carpet

A Violent Moral Tale

One day, Arun was on his way home from school when he saw his schoolmate, Hamid, cycling with some friends. Hamid was a rather notorious character in school and was a source of terror for his smaller, weaker schoolmates because he loved bullying them, especially by robbing them of their lunch money and pouring hot curry into their underwear. The truth was, Arun was one of Hamid's regular victims. Just the day before, Hamid tied Arun's shoelaces together. Needless to say, Arun fell flat on his face when he stood up and started to walk. So it was everybody's guess that Arun wanted nothing more than to see Hamid get his just desserts.

As Hamid and his ruffian friends cycled past, Arun overheard Hamid challenging his friends to a race. Before his friends could react, Hamid started pedalling like a crazy mouse on a wheel. He shot ahead and disappeared into a corner before his friends could utter, "3825, that was fast!"

After Hamid turned a sharp corner, he stopped his bicycle in the middle of the road and turned around to see if his friends were catching up. When he saw that they were still lagging way behind, he tilted his head back and laughed at the sky thinking, "There's no way in hell that you fools will ever catch up!"

Just then, a red, shiny Porsche appeared behind Hamid, who was still laughing out loud to himself. The sports car tooted its horn, but it was too late. The German-made performance vehicle knocked Hamid down and hence, poor Hamid was toast. He became trapped under the car and was dragged for several metres before the driver finally stopped his car, leaving a glistening trail of scarlet on the road.

Arun saw everything. Hamid's friends ran over to his aid, but to be honest, there was nothing much that they could do. After all, several feet of Hamid's intestines were all over the road. Arun thought he saw his pancreas too but he wasn't sure. "I think I'd better do some revision on my Science tonight," he thought to himself.

After waiting for several minutes, Arun finally made his way to a nearby telephone booth to call an ambulance. Then he took his sweet time walking over to where the dying Hamid lay, surrounded by his friends who were vomiting everywhere. As Arun got closer, he thought he could detect a faint smell of shit in the air. This was confirmed when he saw Hamid soiling himself uncontrollably.

Thirty minutes later, an ambulance arrived. When the ambulance driver saw Hamid lying in a pool of his own blood, urine and faeces, he muttered, "Guys, for this kind of job, you don't need an ambulance. You call a hearse!"

"Please la uncle, he's our friend!" *vomits*
"But he's almost gone! Furthermore, my ambulance will stink!" *belches*
"Please la uncle, have a heart!" *vomits*
"Okay okay, let me cover the ambulance with some plastic sheets first." *farts*

Minutes later, they bundled Hamid into the back of the ambulance. As they were about to drive off, Arun noticed that they had left several pieces of Hamid's brain behind.

"Hey! You forgot these!"

So kids, the moral of this story is: Don't cycle around like you own the road. Always be careful and keep your eyes open for any incoming vehicles. If you don't, you are toast.

Good and Bad, Like and Dislike

I know that nobody asked for it, but here's some advice you might be able to benefit from:

It's important to make an effort to understand the difference between what you like and dislike and what is good and bad. This is because it is simply too easy to assume that what you like is good and what you dislike is bad.

You can find out what you like or dislike through experience and by being honest with youself.

To find out what is good and what is bad, it is necessary to first stock yourself with objective knowledge. The next step is to engage these discrete pieces of knowledge intellectually in order to derive certain "truths," before finally arriving at your own conclusions.

In a way, this is what being critical is all about.

YA MAMA!!!

I LOL whenever I watch this this video. Might take slightly longer to load, but it's definitely worth the wait if you haven't seen it before.

Never Judge A Man By The Vehicle That He Operates

Part One

One day, Johan and his family were travelling to his cousin's house to attend a wedding. On the way, they overtook a bullock cart. As they were passing, Johan and his sister made faces at the man on the bullock cart. However, the man did not become livid nor did he shake his fist at them in damning anger. Instead, he smiled and flashed his wicked grill at them.

All of a sudden, Johan and his family heard a loud bang.

"Who farted?!" Johan's father exclaimed.

Everyone stayed silent and pretended to be enjoying the scenery.

"POPFFFFFFFFFFF!"

"Who---" Before Johan's father could finish the sentence, he panicked and lost control of their Proton Persona.

"3825!!! We're all going to DIEEEEEEEEE...!!!" they yelled in unison.

Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt. Johan's mother only cracked her head on the windscreen and his father vomited blood when the steering punched into his belly while one of Johan's sister's eardrums was punctured by a flying pencil. Miraculously, Johan was the only one who escaped with barely a scratch. Only a small piece of his tahi hidung (booger) flew out when his father crashed into a ditch. Minutes later, everyone staggered out of the car like zombies. Needless to say, they were very disappointed to see that one of the car tyres was punctured. Johan turned to his sister with an accusing finger.

"See, I told you not to throw those 3825ers out of the window. Look what you have done, you nitwit!"
"Huh?? Huh??? Huh???? What did you say?? What???"
"Never mind."

To continue the journey, they must replace the tyre. However, when Johan's father opened the car boot, everyone was disappointed to see that he had forgotten to bring the necessary tools.

"3825!!!" he muttered under his breath before vomiting the rest of his lunch onto his shoes.

Given the situation, they had no choice but to wait for help.

........................

Part Two

Several minutes later, the bullock cart finally caught up with Johan's family. When the man offered them a ride, they immediately accepted. Johan and his sister were not ashamed that they had made faces at the man earlier. In fact, they wished they had thrown some rotten vegetables at him. His body odour was so overpowering that Johan started hallucinating...

The hot afternoon soon gave way to a cloudy evening, and soon, night was approaching. Everyone else was asleep except for Johan, the man and the two cows. As the bullock cart took its sweet time taking them towards wherever it was taking them, Johan observed the back of the man's head. Something did not seem right about the shape of the man's head. It was too round, and the hair was too slick and shiny.

"Oi!" Johan shouted insolently.

The man did not turn around. Instead, he just kept on doing what he was doing. Being a wannabe samseng, Johan did not like to be ignored. So he tried again, with more force in his voice this time.

"OI APEK!!!"

But the man did not turn around. He just kept on driving the bullock cart. Johan was getting rather incensed at this point and was about to get up when he realised for the first time that he was alone in the bullock cart. As he wondered where his parents and sister had gone, the bullock cart stopped. Johan felt his insides turn into water. The silence of the night was broken only by the shameful sounds of his watery farts. He was, literally, shitting his pants.

The man slowly turned his head to face Johan. Johan tried to scream but no sound issued from the hole that was his mouth. See, while the man was turning his head, only his head was turning. His body remained in the same position. A witty thought came into Johan's mind but he had trouble enunciating the words. He wanted to say, "That's some amazing special FX," but what came out was: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

..............................

Part Three

Johan awoke with a start. He soon realised that it was merely a bad dream. He was rubbing his eyes when he realised that they were passing a cemetery. He thought this was fascinating and was about to wake his sister up when he noticed that there were two tiny holes in her neck. Two drops of blood trickled silently from them as she stirred in her sleep and made some yum-yum sounds. Something is not right, Johan thought to himself. I think I will go back to sleep.

Toyota Koala

The wife says that when seen from the front, the new Vios looks like a Koala. What do you think?