Toyota Koala

The wife says that when seen from the front, the new Vios looks like a Koala. What do you think?

Laika

Watching this video made me cry.

Other Words to Describe a Homeless Person Besides "Beggar"

Kids, did you know that there are many other words which are used to describe a homeless person? For instance, you can use vagabond, tramp, vagrant, beggar, bum, derelict, mendicant or panhandler besides the generic "beggar."

Something New For Dun Wan Lern

This is an actual newspaper cutting from The Star:


(Click on the image for a larger view if your eyes are too small)

The plot thickens...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Howlin' Babysittin' Dog?

now this is actually pretty scary.

Mongoose vs Cobra!!!

i just love the awesome way it runs off with the snake.
(yeah, the music sucks)

The Honey Badger RAWKS!!!

more information on this animal can be found here.

The SUCKLIST

Well, so it's December, and I don't feel much like blogging, despite all the pleas and death threats, especially from an albino assassin called Amelia. Okay, tell you what. I'm starting a SUCKLIST, and I will need your help to make it a resounding SUCK-CESS. The SUCKLIST will provide a catalogue of the things that suck in Ipoh or anywhere else. For those of you who are not familiar with the lingo of cooltalk, if something sucks, it means that it's bad, very bad. Horrible to the core. Deplorable.

For instance, if you've just tasted the most awful cup of coffee in a coffeeshop, you simply exclaim: This coffee really sucks! And when you've been wrongly accused of some shameful deed, you don't just complain and whine, but you lament instead and utter "This sucks!" with a sigh and a grave tone of resignation. Simply put, it's the cool version of "Aiyah!"

Okay, as I was saying, The SUCKLIST will be an ongoing compilation of all the things that suck in Ipoh and anywhere else. There will be different categories of course, but for now I would like to initiate the first category, which is under Food and Beverage Outlets That SUCK. The F & B outlet that gets the honour of being the first on the list is the PizzaHut outlet in Tesco.

On Saturday night, the wife and I had just finished shopping at Tesco, we thought we'd spend some of our hard-earned money on some imitation Mexican/Italian food. And when it comes to imitation Mexican/Italian fare, where else is a better place than PizzaHut? And so we headed to the outlet, which was, interestingly, located right next to the entrance of the ground floor washrooms. Seeing how there was this huge sign with the words "PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED" written on it, we hovered around the entrance of the restaurant while we pretended to be browsing through the menu. A minute later, a Cik Malay waitress led us to our seats, which was a table by the glass overlooking the corridor that led to the washrooms. Awesome view, but we couldn't really be bothered, since we were starving.

After we sat down, we noticed that around us were three other tables which were each occupied by a Malay family. The strange thing was, being Malay wasn't the only thing which these three families shared. It was also the look on their faces. And this particular look on their faces was unmistakably the look of HUNGER. So we sat there and waited. As we waited we looked around the restaurant and also at the people who were making their way to the Tesco washrooms. We waited a minute more. We looked at the pakciks and the makciks. The pakciks and the makciks looked back at us. It was absolutely comical. One of the Cik Malay waitresses brought a rather unappetising-looking plate of spaghetti to one of the tables and the pakcik started attacking it with a fork. After stuffing his mouth with two forkfuls of spaghetti, he pushed the plate to his wife. As his wife was eating, he eyed the plate of spaghetti like a starving Ethiopian child.

After close to ten minutes, the wife and I became increasingly restless, and angry. All the Cik Malay waitresses were walking around, but all of them buat tak tau, pretending that they couldn't even see us. The wife gently suggested that we try the double-storey outlet in Ipoh Garden South instead, and I was standing up, one of the uglier Cik Malay waitresses came over, presumably to get our orders. But it was a little too late. I picked up the menu, dangled it in front of her with my thumb and index finger before letting it drop with a soft smack on the floor.

Kung Fu Rabbit vs Loser Snake

Fecal Matters (S. S. P.)

I have a friend who's presently working illegally in the United States, but this is not the point that I'm getting at. He used to work in a cybercafé, and he told us how he had to do his business there one time. "Doing his business" here means taking a dump, or berak, if you prefer it in the national language. Anyway, according to him, the washroom in the cybercafé was, if you'd excuse the pun, a real piece of shit. Poo stains everywhere and reeking of week-old urine. He had some nasi lemak for breakfast earlier in the morning, and by lunch time, he was letting out these ultra-stinky farts. He was simply dying to answer the urgent call of nature, but there was no way in hell that he would step into the messed-up washroom.

So what's a desperate man to do in such a desperate situation?

He took a large piece of newspaper and took it to the back of the shop, unfolded it on the floor, pulled down his trousers, squatted down and let it rip all over the newsprint. After he was done, he wrapped it up, put it into a plastic bag and threw it into the dustbin.

If you think this is bad, read on.

Just a couple of days ago, a couple of friends and I were having a spot of supper in Ipoh Garden East. We ordered some satay and chicken wings. When we were eating, one of them (my friends, not the chicken wings) started telling us about how he shat into a styrofoam box (the kind used to pack take-away food) the other day. Naturally, we asked him why he did that. He said that he was helping out his friend with some construction work in some recently-constructed houses, and there were no toilets there. So once again, desperate times call for desperate measures.

"But why didn't you use some newspapers, like Joe did? Didn't you have any newspapers handy?"
"I did."
"So why didn't you use it?" I asked, all the while munching on a piece of chicken dripping with delicious satay sauce.
"Well, it gets difficult with the newspapers because I tend to urinate when I'm shitting, and it's difficult to wrap it up with newspapers when there's piss."
"Ohh..."
"And you know something?"
"What?" we asked in unison.
"My shit that day looked just like this satay sauce, man. All nutty and shit and a little spicy too."

My other friend stopped eating and looked as if he was about to throw up; when I saw this, I laughed so hard I farted and almost shat in my pants.

But just imagine some drunken beggar going through the dustbin and stumbling upon one of those "surprise shit packages." After all, people are becoming more wasteful these days, and the poor beggar might just assume that it's a pack of discarded curry rice from your friendly neighbourhood mamak store. I mean, if he's so drunk, maybe he won't even notice the difference. After all, curry does resemble the watery kind of faeces, with the chunky, half-solid pieces resembling bits of tomato or potatoes. And if gets there in time, the package might still be warm...

I don't know about you, but all these talk about food has gotten me real hungry. So, bon appetit!

Who Can Tell Me Where This Is?

Muscleman and Robberman

Chung Ching Chong, Master of Wuxia, Tambun

My Name Is Loo See Fer, and I Am Funky

do you think my eyes are sexy?

^^^Hecho En Cuba^^^

Imperial Trooper Spotted At Jusco

Somebody Loves Amber and It Isn't Me

Crazies and Links Galore (Click on the links!)

I finished reading Paul Auster's City of Glass during one of my insomnia-driven reading binges a couple of days ago. There are some rather vivid descriptions of the mad and the homeless in the book. And yesterday, I realised that while some men are chick magnets, I'm a crazy people magnet. See, I was walking down the street in downtown Ipoh yesterday when this crazy old man nodded conspiratorially at me like we were members of the same Fight Club. Well, I sure hope that I haven't been sleepwalking like the Narrator in the said movie and busy setting up Fight Clubs all over Ipoh.

And this afternoon, I saw the Hip-Hop Makcik again, sitting at the corner of a street, sucking on a cigarette, but seemingly without her trusty boombox/ghetto blaster. I see her there without fail every Saturday afternoon at around four in the afternoon, and today, I was suddenly compelled to compile a mix tape of dirty, lazy beats for her, featuring Beck, Brad Sucks and Jay-Z, among others. By the way, if you believe in the saying that "the best things in life are free," do check out Brad Sucks. He put together an entire album and made it available for anyone to download for free. You have to hand it to the man for such generosity. There's even a Wikipedia entry on him. If you really have to know, I've been listening to "Dirtbag" and "Bad Attraction" pretty much non-stop. Do check it out.

Sorry for digressing. What I really wanted to say is that, since there are so many crazy people around Ipoh who seem to enjoy greeting me, I suppose it's only fair that I venture on a little project to compile a sort of report on the nuts of Ipoh. What do you think?

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Mini Glossary

1. a chick magnet is someone, usually a man, who attracts women like bees to honey.

2. a boombox or a ghetto blaster is a moderately loud stereo that is usually battery-powered and small enough to be carried on one's shoulder while walking down the sidewalk.