the height of teenage fashion in the 1980s

cannibals are not a type of ball

if you think life is bad, wait until you read this.
no gory pictures, nothing related to sex, but be prepared to see an image of dr lecter before the article begins.

sometimes, i truly wish i could write like this

yet another instance of someone attempting to rewrite the english language. my favourite lines and phrases include:

1. "In the morning, are letter you said won a lot of pimples."

2. "Fistly, your don't pop your pimples. It is because the pimples is pop."

3. "Thirdly, your said won received a lof of pimples."

and the bestest line?

"Lastly, your pop the pimples is have a balance diet."

pure poetry. maybe in a few years this would be included in the literature component of spm. i mean, how many marks would you give if you were me?

an upsr composition, apparently

pick your price, please

Found this gem of a typographical error in the menu at a café last week.

when i grow up, i want to modify my car like this

add a fluorescent tube and a black, "just-been-run over" racing stripe:

change to not only bigger, but "taller" tyres:


come to think of it, it's really quite amazing what some people would spend their money on.

Nestle Drumstick Gold

Dynamo Neng! (Dynamo Can!)

As requested, here's the infamous television commercial:

Crazies and Links Galore (Click on the links!)

I finished reading Paul Auster's City of Glass during one of my insomnia-driven reading binges a couple of days ago. There are some rather vivid descriptions of the mad and the homeless in the book. And yesterday, I realised that while some men are chick magnets, I'm a crazy people magnet. See, I was walking down the street in downtown Ipoh yesterday when this crazy old man nodded conspiratorially at me like we were members of the same Fight Club. Well, I sure hope that I haven't been sleepwalking like the Narrator in the said movie and busy setting up Fight Clubs all over Ipoh.

And this afternoon, I saw the Hip-Hop Makcik again, sitting at the corner of a street, sucking on a cigarette, but seemingly without her trusty boombox/ghetto blaster. I see her there without fail every Saturday afternoon at around four in the afternoon, and today, I was suddenly compelled to compile a mix tape of dirty, lazy beats for her, featuring Beck, Brad Sucks and Jay-Z, among others. By the way, if you believe in the saying that "the best things in life are free," do check out Brad Sucks. He put together an entire album and made it available for anyone to download for free. You have to hand it to the man for such generosity. There's even a Wikipedia entry on him. If you really have to know, I've been listening to "Dirtbag" and "Bad Attraction" pretty much non-stop. Do check it out.

Sorry for digressing. What I really wanted to say is that, since there are so many crazy people around Ipoh who seem to enjoy greeting me, I suppose it's only fair that I venture on a little project to compile a sort of report on the nuts of Ipoh. What do you think?

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Mini Glossary

1. a chick magnet is someone, usually a man, who attracts women like bees to honey.

2. a boombox or a ghetto blaster is a moderately loud stereo that is usually battery-powered and small enough to be carried on one's shoulder while walking down the sidewalk.

Desperation or Creativity?

Baby Fair

As I was reading the papers in a coffeeshop this morning, something horribly funny caught my eye. Supposedly there's a 'Baby Fair' happening at Tesco until 27 August 2007 (The Star, N23). Well, at first glance, it's probably nothing to shout about. A baby fair, right? Something like a book fair, right? Well, if a book fair is an organised event where books are sold, then it follows that a baby fair is an organised event where babies are sold. So, do your part and visit Tesco where they're having this baby fair, and tell them that you need to buy one. Or two, if the price is right.

McDeath

According to DWL, "McD delivery is so incredibly cheap, they only charge an extra RM2 for delivery." If this is true, the lives of those McD delivery boys with Mat Rempit inclinations are truly cheap as well. You'll know what I mean if you've seen the way they ride their motorcycles.

They ride as if Ghost Rider is after them.

"Rempit! Rempit! Rempit! McD Delivery! Delivery! Delivery! Untuk dua ringgit aku tak kisah kepala pecah, otak meleleh, tulang patah, jadi cacat! Rempit McD Delivery! Yee-ha!

Grandmother Words

One day, certain things will be lost forever. This is why there are museums. Anyway, what I want to say is, there are certain linguistic artifacts --- by the way, the word 'artifact' can also be spelled 'artefact' --- peculiar to Malaysian Cantonese which might be lost within a generation or two. Specifically, the words that I'm referring to are the words used by our grandmothers, so let's call them Grandmother Words. Below is a list of several words that I can recall off the top of my head, and I encourage you to contribute to this list if you happen to remember any other words.

1. kee-chee-miau --> cartoons

2. see-kee-ling ---> ice-cream

3. hor-lan-sui ---> literally, "Holland water," meaning soft drinks.

4. ma-see-lee ---> Mercedes Benz.

5. or-feet ---> office.

Dun Wan Lern's Essay (click on image to enlarge)