mosquito head

Some kid laughed so hard that he vomited water in class yesterday night.

By the way, the link to the Wikipedia entry on Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis is here.

cannibals are not a type of ball

if you think life is bad, wait until you read this.
no gory pictures, nothing related to sex, but be prepared to see an image of dr lecter before the article begins.

I'M BACK! (with the tale of a sexy pustule)

well, sorry for the longer than expected hiatus. to restart things with a pop (as opposed to a bang, since not that many people read this blog i'm almost sure), the wife and i were at jusco this afternoon, and we were paying for some stationery when i noticed that the cashier, who was male, had this super tantalising pimple on the edge of his right eyelid. and it was HUGE! what made it so irresistible was how utterly ripe-looking it was, with the pustule all white and oh-so-ready to be squeezed! it got me so worked up that i had to step away and let my wife complete the transaction. to be really honest, i actually thought of asking him if he'd let me squeeze the pus from his pimple for RM5.

LOTS OF POSTS coming soon, and this is not an empty promise, i reassure you!

"John and the Unfortunate Incident with the Iron Rod"

EDIT: people, the poor guy in the above drawing is NOT mr yap! it's supposed to be a student named john, hence the title of this post.

Scutigera Coleoptrata, King of Creepy Crawlies

So, you think you're afraid of cockroaches? Or house lizards? Rats? Well, if you do, then you haven't met the house centipede yet, dear readers.


More visual fun and information can be found here and here.

A Violent Moral Tale

One day, Arun was on his way home from school when he saw his schoolmate, Hamid, cycling with some friends. Hamid was a rather notorious character in school and was a source of terror for his smaller, weaker schoolmates because he loved bullying them, especially by robbing them of their lunch money and pouring hot curry into their underwear. The truth was, Arun was one of Hamid's regular victims. Just the day before, Hamid tied Arun's shoelaces together. Needless to say, Arun fell flat on his face when he stood up and started to walk. So it was everybody's guess that Arun wanted nothing more than to see Hamid get his just desserts.

As Hamid and his ruffian friends cycled past, Arun overheard Hamid challenging his friends to a race. Before his friends could react, Hamid started pedalling like a crazy mouse on a wheel. He shot ahead and disappeared into a corner before his friends could utter, "3825, that was fast!"

After Hamid turned a sharp corner, he stopped his bicycle in the middle of the road and turned around to see if his friends were catching up. When he saw that they were still lagging way behind, he tilted his head back and laughed at the sky thinking, "There's no way in hell that you fools will ever catch up!"

Just then, a red, shiny Porsche appeared behind Hamid, who was still laughing out loud to himself. The sports car tooted its horn, but it was too late. The German-made performance vehicle knocked Hamid down and hence, poor Hamid was toast. He became trapped under the car and was dragged for several metres before the driver finally stopped his car, leaving a glistening trail of scarlet on the road.

Arun saw everything. Hamid's friends ran over to his aid, but to be honest, there was nothing much that they could do. After all, several feet of Hamid's intestines were all over the road. Arun thought he saw his pancreas too but he wasn't sure. "I think I'd better do some revision on my Science tonight," he thought to himself.

After waiting for several minutes, Arun finally made his way to a nearby telephone booth to call an ambulance. Then he took his sweet time walking over to where the dying Hamid lay, surrounded by his friends who were vomiting everywhere. As Arun got closer, he thought he could detect a faint smell of shit in the air. This was confirmed when he saw Hamid soiling himself uncontrollably.

Thirty minutes later, an ambulance arrived. When the ambulance driver saw Hamid lying in a pool of his own blood, urine and faeces, he muttered, "Guys, for this kind of job, you don't need an ambulance. You call a hearse!"

"Please la uncle, he's our friend!" *vomits*
"But he's almost gone! Furthermore, my ambulance will stink!" *belches*
"Please la uncle, have a heart!" *vomits*
"Okay okay, let me cover the ambulance with some plastic sheets first." *farts*

Minutes later, they bundled Hamid into the back of the ambulance. As they were about to drive off, Arun noticed that they had left several pieces of Hamid's brain behind.

"Hey! You forgot these!"

So kids, the moral of this story is: Don't cycle around like you own the road. Always be careful and keep your eyes open for any incoming vehicles. If you don't, you are toast.