Slapping Cat and Food-Stealing Dog

I've got the flu, and I'm sick as a dog, but the dog in this video is anything but sick.

Sneezing Panda + Remix ((( TURN UP THE VOLUME!!! )))

Here's the original:



and here's the remix:

Waaaaaaaaaaaasuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!!

This is the original television commercial that popularised the famous expression. More information can be found here.



Oh, just a note on viewer discretion. By putting this video up, it doesn't mean that the author of this blog condones the drinking of alcohol.

Grinning Cat on a Magic Carpet

A Violent Moral Tale

One day, Arun was on his way home from school when he saw his schoolmate, Hamid, cycling with some friends. Hamid was a rather notorious character in school and was a source of terror for his smaller, weaker schoolmates because he loved bullying them, especially by robbing them of their lunch money and pouring hot curry into their underwear. The truth was, Arun was one of Hamid's regular victims. Just the day before, Hamid tied Arun's shoelaces together. Needless to say, Arun fell flat on his face when he stood up and started to walk. So it was everybody's guess that Arun wanted nothing more than to see Hamid get his just desserts.

As Hamid and his ruffian friends cycled past, Arun overheard Hamid challenging his friends to a race. Before his friends could react, Hamid started pedalling like a crazy mouse on a wheel. He shot ahead and disappeared into a corner before his friends could utter, "3825, that was fast!"

After Hamid turned a sharp corner, he stopped his bicycle in the middle of the road and turned around to see if his friends were catching up. When he saw that they were still lagging way behind, he tilted his head back and laughed at the sky thinking, "There's no way in hell that you fools will ever catch up!"

Just then, a red, shiny Porsche appeared behind Hamid, who was still laughing out loud to himself. The sports car tooted its horn, but it was too late. The German-made performance vehicle knocked Hamid down and hence, poor Hamid was toast. He became trapped under the car and was dragged for several metres before the driver finally stopped his car, leaving a glistening trail of scarlet on the road.

Arun saw everything. Hamid's friends ran over to his aid, but to be honest, there was nothing much that they could do. After all, several feet of Hamid's intestines were all over the road. Arun thought he saw his pancreas too but he wasn't sure. "I think I'd better do some revision on my Science tonight," he thought to himself.

After waiting for several minutes, Arun finally made his way to a nearby telephone booth to call an ambulance. Then he took his sweet time walking over to where the dying Hamid lay, surrounded by his friends who were vomiting everywhere. As Arun got closer, he thought he could detect a faint smell of shit in the air. This was confirmed when he saw Hamid soiling himself uncontrollably.

Thirty minutes later, an ambulance arrived. When the ambulance driver saw Hamid lying in a pool of his own blood, urine and faeces, he muttered, "Guys, for this kind of job, you don't need an ambulance. You call a hearse!"

"Please la uncle, he's our friend!" *vomits*
"But he's almost gone! Furthermore, my ambulance will stink!" *belches*
"Please la uncle, have a heart!" *vomits*
"Okay okay, let me cover the ambulance with some plastic sheets first." *farts*

Minutes later, they bundled Hamid into the back of the ambulance. As they were about to drive off, Arun noticed that they had left several pieces of Hamid's brain behind.

"Hey! You forgot these!"

So kids, the moral of this story is: Don't cycle around like you own the road. Always be careful and keep your eyes open for any incoming vehicles. If you don't, you are toast.

Good and Bad, Like and Dislike

I know that nobody asked for it, but here's some advice you might be able to benefit from:

It's important to make an effort to understand the difference between what you like and dislike and what is good and bad. This is because it is simply too easy to assume that what you like is good and what you dislike is bad.

You can find out what you like or dislike through experience and by being honest with youself.

To find out what is good and what is bad, it is necessary to first stock yourself with objective knowledge. The next step is to engage these discrete pieces of knowledge intellectually in order to derive certain "truths," before finally arriving at your own conclusions.

In a way, this is what being critical is all about.

YA MAMA!!!

I LOL whenever I watch this this video. Might take slightly longer to load, but it's definitely worth the wait if you haven't seen it before.

Never Judge A Man By The Vehicle That He Operates

Part One

One day, Johan and his family were travelling to his cousin's house to attend a wedding. On the way, they overtook a bullock cart. As they were passing, Johan and his sister made faces at the man on the bullock cart. However, the man did not become livid nor did he shake his fist at them in damning anger. Instead, he smiled and flashed his wicked grill at them.

All of a sudden, Johan and his family heard a loud bang.

"Who farted?!" Johan's father exclaimed.

Everyone stayed silent and pretended to be enjoying the scenery.

"POPFFFFFFFFFFF!"

"Who---" Before Johan's father could finish the sentence, he panicked and lost control of their Proton Persona.

"3825!!! We're all going to DIEEEEEEEEE...!!!" they yelled in unison.

Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt. Johan's mother only cracked her head on the windscreen and his father vomited blood when the steering punched into his belly while one of Johan's sister's eardrums was punctured by a flying pencil. Miraculously, Johan was the only one who escaped with barely a scratch. Only a small piece of his tahi hidung (booger) flew out when his father crashed into a ditch. Minutes later, everyone staggered out of the car like zombies. Needless to say, they were very disappointed to see that one of the car tyres was punctured. Johan turned to his sister with an accusing finger.

"See, I told you not to throw those 3825ers out of the window. Look what you have done, you nitwit!"
"Huh?? Huh??? Huh???? What did you say?? What???"
"Never mind."

To continue the journey, they must replace the tyre. However, when Johan's father opened the car boot, everyone was disappointed to see that he had forgotten to bring the necessary tools.

"3825!!!" he muttered under his breath before vomiting the rest of his lunch onto his shoes.

Given the situation, they had no choice but to wait for help.

........................

Part Two

Several minutes later, the bullock cart finally caught up with Johan's family. When the man offered them a ride, they immediately accepted. Johan and his sister were not ashamed that they had made faces at the man earlier. In fact, they wished they had thrown some rotten vegetables at him. His body odour was so overpowering that Johan started hallucinating...

The hot afternoon soon gave way to a cloudy evening, and soon, night was approaching. Everyone else was asleep except for Johan, the man and the two cows. As the bullock cart took its sweet time taking them towards wherever it was taking them, Johan observed the back of the man's head. Something did not seem right about the shape of the man's head. It was too round, and the hair was too slick and shiny.

"Oi!" Johan shouted insolently.

The man did not turn around. Instead, he just kept on doing what he was doing. Being a wannabe samseng, Johan did not like to be ignored. So he tried again, with more force in his voice this time.

"OI APEK!!!"

But the man did not turn around. He just kept on driving the bullock cart. Johan was getting rather incensed at this point and was about to get up when he realised for the first time that he was alone in the bullock cart. As he wondered where his parents and sister had gone, the bullock cart stopped. Johan felt his insides turn into water. The silence of the night was broken only by the shameful sounds of his watery farts. He was, literally, shitting his pants.

The man slowly turned his head to face Johan. Johan tried to scream but no sound issued from the hole that was his mouth. See, while the man was turning his head, only his head was turning. His body remained in the same position. A witty thought came into Johan's mind but he had trouble enunciating the words. He wanted to say, "That's some amazing special FX," but what came out was: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

..............................

Part Three

Johan awoke with a start. He soon realised that it was merely a bad dream. He was rubbing his eyes when he realised that they were passing a cemetery. He thought this was fascinating and was about to wake his sister up when he noticed that there were two tiny holes in her neck. Two drops of blood trickled silently from them as she stirred in her sleep and made some yum-yum sounds. Something is not right, Johan thought to himself. I think I will go back to sleep.

Toyota Koala

The wife says that when seen from the front, the new Vios looks like a Koala. What do you think?

Laika

Watching this video made me cry.

Other Words to Describe a Homeless Person Besides "Beggar"

Kids, did you know that there are many other words which are used to describe a homeless person? For instance, you can use vagabond, tramp, vagrant, beggar, bum, derelict, mendicant or panhandler besides the generic "beggar."

Something New For Dun Wan Lern

This is an actual newspaper cutting from The Star:


(Click on the image for a larger view if your eyes are too small)

The plot thickens...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Howlin' Babysittin' Dog?

now this is actually pretty scary.

Mongoose vs Cobra!!!

i just love the awesome way it runs off with the snake.
(yeah, the music sucks)

The Honey Badger RAWKS!!!

more information on this animal can be found here.

The SUCKLIST

Well, so it's December, and I don't feel much like blogging, despite all the pleas and death threats, especially from an albino assassin called Amelia. Okay, tell you what. I'm starting a SUCKLIST, and I will need your help to make it a resounding SUCK-CESS. The SUCKLIST will provide a catalogue of the things that suck in Ipoh or anywhere else. For those of you who are not familiar with the lingo of cooltalk, if something sucks, it means that it's bad, very bad. Horrible to the core. Deplorable.

For instance, if you've just tasted the most awful cup of coffee in a coffeeshop, you simply exclaim: This coffee really sucks! And when you've been wrongly accused of some shameful deed, you don't just complain and whine, but you lament instead and utter "This sucks!" with a sigh and a grave tone of resignation. Simply put, it's the cool version of "Aiyah!"

Okay, as I was saying, The SUCKLIST will be an ongoing compilation of all the things that suck in Ipoh and anywhere else. There will be different categories of course, but for now I would like to initiate the first category, which is under Food and Beverage Outlets That SUCK. The F & B outlet that gets the honour of being the first on the list is the PizzaHut outlet in Tesco.

On Saturday night, the wife and I had just finished shopping at Tesco, we thought we'd spend some of our hard-earned money on some imitation Mexican/Italian food. And when it comes to imitation Mexican/Italian fare, where else is a better place than PizzaHut? And so we headed to the outlet, which was, interestingly, located right next to the entrance of the ground floor washrooms. Seeing how there was this huge sign with the words "PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED" written on it, we hovered around the entrance of the restaurant while we pretended to be browsing through the menu. A minute later, a Cik Malay waitress led us to our seats, which was a table by the glass overlooking the corridor that led to the washrooms. Awesome view, but we couldn't really be bothered, since we were starving.

After we sat down, we noticed that around us were three other tables which were each occupied by a Malay family. The strange thing was, being Malay wasn't the only thing which these three families shared. It was also the look on their faces. And this particular look on their faces was unmistakably the look of HUNGER. So we sat there and waited. As we waited we looked around the restaurant and also at the people who were making their way to the Tesco washrooms. We waited a minute more. We looked at the pakciks and the makciks. The pakciks and the makciks looked back at us. It was absolutely comical. One of the Cik Malay waitresses brought a rather unappetising-looking plate of spaghetti to one of the tables and the pakcik started attacking it with a fork. After stuffing his mouth with two forkfuls of spaghetti, he pushed the plate to his wife. As his wife was eating, he eyed the plate of spaghetti like a starving Ethiopian child.

After close to ten minutes, the wife and I became increasingly restless, and angry. All the Cik Malay waitresses were walking around, but all of them buat tak tau, pretending that they couldn't even see us. The wife gently suggested that we try the double-storey outlet in Ipoh Garden South instead, and I was standing up, one of the uglier Cik Malay waitresses came over, presumably to get our orders. But it was a little too late. I picked up the menu, dangled it in front of her with my thumb and index finger before letting it drop with a soft smack on the floor.

Kung Fu Rabbit vs Loser Snake

Fecal Matters (S. S. P.)

I have a friend who's presently working illegally in the United States, but this is not the point that I'm getting at. He used to work in a cybercafé, and he told us how he had to do his business there one time. "Doing his business" here means taking a dump, or berak, if you prefer it in the national language. Anyway, according to him, the washroom in the cybercafé was, if you'd excuse the pun, a real piece of shit. Poo stains everywhere and reeking of week-old urine. He had some nasi lemak for breakfast earlier in the morning, and by lunch time, he was letting out these ultra-stinky farts. He was simply dying to answer the urgent call of nature, but there was no way in hell that he would step into the messed-up washroom.

So what's a desperate man to do in such a desperate situation?

He took a large piece of newspaper and took it to the back of the shop, unfolded it on the floor, pulled down his trousers, squatted down and let it rip all over the newsprint. After he was done, he wrapped it up, put it into a plastic bag and threw it into the dustbin.

If you think this is bad, read on.

Just a couple of days ago, a couple of friends and I were having a spot of supper in Ipoh Garden East. We ordered some satay and chicken wings. When we were eating, one of them (my friends, not the chicken wings) started telling us about how he shat into a styrofoam box (the kind used to pack take-away food) the other day. Naturally, we asked him why he did that. He said that he was helping out his friend with some construction work in some recently-constructed houses, and there were no toilets there. So once again, desperate times call for desperate measures.

"But why didn't you use some newspapers, like Joe did? Didn't you have any newspapers handy?"
"I did."
"So why didn't you use it?" I asked, all the while munching on a piece of chicken dripping with delicious satay sauce.
"Well, it gets difficult with the newspapers because I tend to urinate when I'm shitting, and it's difficult to wrap it up with newspapers when there's piss."
"Ohh..."
"And you know something?"
"What?" we asked in unison.
"My shit that day looked just like this satay sauce, man. All nutty and shit and a little spicy too."

My other friend stopped eating and looked as if he was about to throw up; when I saw this, I laughed so hard I farted and almost shat in my pants.

But just imagine some drunken beggar going through the dustbin and stumbling upon one of those "surprise shit packages." After all, people are becoming more wasteful these days, and the poor beggar might just assume that it's a pack of discarded curry rice from your friendly neighbourhood mamak store. I mean, if he's so drunk, maybe he won't even notice the difference. After all, curry does resemble the watery kind of faeces, with the chunky, half-solid pieces resembling bits of tomato or potatoes. And if gets there in time, the package might still be warm...

I don't know about you, but all these talk about food has gotten me real hungry. So, bon appetit!

Who Can Tell Me Where This Is?