A Most Unfortunate Incident

Note: This is a kickass version of the PMR essay which was discussed in class recently.
Disclaimer: Please do not attempt to write in the following style lest you want to incur the wrath of your skool teechers.

One sultry Saturday evening, Sandra and her younger brother, Sam, were chilling out at home. They were waiting for their parents to take them out to dinner and they were becoming rather restless. After all, their parents were not known to be the punctual type, not unlike their English tutor, Mr Kok.

Sandra was a hardcore bookworm, and promptly planted herself in the living room sofa with a book in hand. Sam, however, was having none of that reading nonsense and decided to step out of the house in a feeble attempt to seek some excitement in the garden.

Sam was traipsing all over the garden when lo and behold, he looked up and noticed a bird's nest perched on a tree branch. He became even more excited when he spotted several nestlings going: "CHEAP! CHEAP! CHEAP!" in the nest. With a diabolical grin on his pimpled face, he rubbed his palms in glee and decided to get his grimy hands on the nest.

He placed a wooden ladder against the trunk of the tree so that he could climb up. However, luck was not on his side. Before he could reach the nest, our dear Sam had the misfortune of stepping on a thin branch. The branch snapped in two and Sam fell to the ground like a sack of Prince Edward Island potatoes. The injured teenager screamed in a way that no injured teenager had ever screamed before because the pain was, for a lack of a better word, excruciating.

Given that he had landed knee first, it was not surprising that part of his femur jutted out from a break in his flesh. When Sam saw this, he screamed a little more and quickly lost consciousness for such was the courage of youths these days. Fortunately, Sandra heard Sam's ungodly screams right before he passed out and promptly dialled her father's number.

"H-h-h-hello Ah Pa???"
"Ha, meh see?"
"Ah Sam, k-k-k-koi..."
"Ha, meh see?"
"A-a-a-a-ah Samk-k-k-k-k-koi..."
"#@*$&! MEH SEEEE AHHHH? LAY KONG LAAA...#@*$&!!!

To cut the story short, Sandra managed to overcome her s-s-s-s-s-stuttering and told her f-f-f-f-f-f-f-father that Sam was lying u-u-u-u-u-unconscious in the garden. Her p-p-p-p-p-p-parents rushed home immediately and took Sam to the hospital for t-t-t-t-t-treatment. His leg was put in a cast and he was absent from school for two weeks. After Sam recovered, his father beat him to within an inch of his life for all the trouble that he had caused.